I had an interesting day. Co-incidentally, I've read two books which are both about boys and dating woes. And that leaves me in confusion and deep thinking.
I always say that I'm more into "nice boys" type, because they are safe and because I know that being the introverted girl I am, good boys are much easier to deal with. BUT I cannot deny the fact that girls are really more attracted to "bad boys" type, whether we accept it or not. I'm one of those girls who complain about boys being all the same, that I want to look for a good guy but in the end, put that "good guy" in "friendzone" and let myself steal glances over a certain bad boy at school who won't even look my way. Yes, I'm such a hypocrite. So, I officially give up on looking for "good boys" and just accept the fact that I am more into "bad boys" simply because they are more good-looking, cooler and they're douchebags. And a bitch like me (I call myself this because I keep on saying I like good boys but when I encountered one recently, I immediately dumped him and put him in friendzone. What else to call me, right?) always end up falling for douchebags.
Is it because "bad boys" are more challenging? Is it about the chase? The honor (and pride) of being The Girl Who Changed Him? I think that's it. Well, isn't it great to be The Only Girl That Jerk cares about? I came up with the conclusion that bad boys are addicting simply because they are fun to be with.
But after reading this certain book about a "reformed player", I got a chance to enter the world of "bad boys" and the kind of treatment girls get from them. Honestly, even though I fell in love with the Bastard Hero, I absolutely hated the way he was with "easy-to-get girls" (the book described girls who play with bad boys as "easy-to-get"). Yes, that's it. Bad boys won't be bad boys if there aren't easy-to-get girls who'd play along with their silly games. But the worse part? These type of girls knew what they're getting yet, they are still willing to be their... I don't know, playmate? Because these "easy-to-get" girls are also just looking for fun. So I guess, that's how bad boys get away with it. They're not at fault because they set the rules, the "easy-to-get" girls accept it, and if they get hurt, they could only blame themselves. Hats off to you, bastard.
The lifestyle. From the books I've read, most bad boys could be found at bars, or any other "fun" places which include a huge crowd and loud music. DEFINITELY NOT THE PLACE FOR ME. You see, I'm a boring girl. I'd rather go to bookstores, eat at fast food chains, and sleep at home. My world is so small and I don't want it any other way. I'm bad at dealing people--- especially those who are in the high-society. And I'm also an insecure twenty year-old girl. Young, introvert, insecure--- way to go, me!
Because of my low self-confidence, I could relate to the heroine of the book. But she's different from me--- she's matured, beautiful, and successful. Yet, she's still full of fears and doubts. I understand her side--- she doesn't want to be The Girl The Bad Boy Cheats On and Leaves. Because bad boys are afraid of commitment and they don't stay loyal and faithful to one woman. The book said: a bad boy make girls cry, he dates two or three girls in a month and they will never know that and even if they do, he would just say, "so what?"
Am I ready for that kind of relationship? Of course not. I'm not as stubborn and as strong-willed as the heroine. I would probably end up being The Girl Who Got Dumped By The Bad Boy Without Her Even Knowing It. I'm not yet ready for that kind of relationship--- whether with the Bad Boy or the Nice Guy. I'm still a girl who'll probably get eaten by wolves in the forest. I'm not happy with myself, so I would probably blame myself for being "incompetent" when a relationship ends badly.
Well, back to Bad Boys, they have this charm that is hard to resist--- when they fall in love, they fall in love. They fight for it, they change (not for her, but for THEM) and they... they simply love you with all their hearts. It's amazing how these "boys" turn into "men" when they found "the right one." And... *dreamy sigh* I can't find the right words to say but once a Bad Boy falls for You, you may doubt him at first, but soon you'll realize how lucky you are. You have probably saved a nation in your past life.
But... as for me, like I said above, I am not ready for this kind of commitment. If I want to find the right one, I should also work hard to be the "right girl" bad boys don't play with.
Bad Boys... Luxurious life... Professional world... I am not ready for any of them so I will just sit in front of my laptop and start creating characters that are much more realistic and loveable. Because the books I read made me realize that the characters (especially the heroes) in my novels are poorly developed, they are way too childish and they are just "boys." These books also give me a wider perspective on howl love and relationships work in real world and I suddenly realized what I lack in my books. I will work on these flaws.
And I will continue on my "research" about boys. They still confuse me! I don't get them at all!
Namaikizakari [Chapter 61]
1 day ago