And She Really Did It

Fvck.

After (over) a long-week negotiation, she still submitted it yesterday. Er, it was awkward. If our instructor happened to read our works, he would surely realize that she and I had almost the same article. Damn! Ni hindi man lang natinag sa pagpaparinig ko. -___-

Three persons were assigned to interview one varsity team and make an article about it. The three of us discussed our "topics" so we could avoid having the same "voice". But my huge mistake was... I sent them a copy of my article so they would know what not to write on their works. Ang nakaka-shock na balita, when I read hers (one of the remaining two in my team, of course) it was... *sigh* I asked her to change her "topic", "view", "voice" but she didn't listen. Oh, well, papel.

Respect, dude. Respect. Not because I'm a "saling-cat" in our class you can already do this to me.

By the way, I didn't rewrite mine because... well, I didn't want her to "win:" but it seems that I lost the battle instead.

E-books/PDF Files

My eyes can't bear reading e-books and PDF files for hours. It's not because I don't like them, but because I have poor eyesight and reading in front of my laptop, or through my phone makes my head ache. I remember after reading Beautiful Disaster (PDF) for about twelve hours (not sure), I got sick on the next day.

Oh, well, papel. What I'm trying to say is... I want to buy books! Hehe! A lot of books! My list is getting longer and longer but I don't have enough money to buy them yet. I'll follow my friend's advice and I will wait for the book fair na lang.

^___^

Stressful Month/Patama Entry

School has never been this demanding before. For a bum/lazy girl like me, it's hell. Konting kibot lang, nauubos na ang enerhiya ko. My forte is procrastinating but I can't afford to do that anymore. The write-ups we have to finish for our midterms just keep on piling up and I'm about to get drown. But the thing is, school isn't what's dragging me down.

There's an ugly part of me that just won't calm down. I'm easily upset, irritated and hurt. The worse part is, we're talking about the people who are close to me --- or so I thought. It seems that I'm the only one who really cares. C'mon, if you're really my friend, learn how to respect me, dude. I hate confrontations because heated arguments are not helpful. I'm pikon, and I know for a fact that you could easily ask for resbak and I will instantly turn into an ambitious villain. But seriously. I know you know that you did something wrong and something unfair to me. I don't need to tell you that because it's easy to deny it, and it's easy to make it look like I'm just a pathetic insecure b*tch that couldn't match up to you, of course.

I'll stop caring. Do what you want. I don't want to become someone I dislike. Someone like you.

Bad Omen

Last Friday afternoon, when I was taking a power nap, I dreamed about my teeth falling out. The image was clear and vivid that it scared the sh*t out of me. It seemed so real

When I woke up, I Googled what that dream means. And this is what I got:

"These falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxieties. Perhaps you feel that you are unprepared for the task at hand. However, you will find that your worries are unfounded in most cases. Sometimes what plays out in your mind is far worse than what is reality."

"Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth symbolize power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream may be an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you have to say."

 
(c) dreammoods.com

--- After reading articles about my dream, I realized that they are right. The dream may be an indicator that I am going through a lot of stress recently. From my alter-ego to my personal life, everything just seems so wrong. I keep on messing up, and I feel lost. I am hurt (emotionally) by strangers, betrayed by people I treat as friends and... I just lost it.

So I decided to detach myself from the people and from the things that are probably giving me stress. I deactivated some of my social media accounts and I don't know when I will open them again. I need to free myself from the pressure, the pain and the mockery. I don't think I deserve all this bad treatments anymore. I'm not playing the "victim card" because I am not a victim of any sort. I just want to find myself again and to be happy. And I believe that I will find the peace I am looking for to the people who really care about me--- my family and friends. Real friends, I mean.

I even come up with my own version of "5 Ways To Be Worry-Free"

1. Mind your own business.
2. Stop caring for people who don't care for you.
3.  Let them do or say whatever they want, even if it hurts you. Keep calm and let them be. They know they did something unfair to you, but they will never admit it. You will just end up being the "bad guy."
4. Don't scroll down your FB page. Just check your notifications then log out.
5. Act bitchy sometimes and don't keep everyone in your life. People who really like you will put up with you, no matter how you act. Those people who couldn't even understand why you're not available to be their textmate probably won't stick with your during the hard times. Don't be afraid to let them go. If they genuinely like you as a person (and not just as your alter-ego) they will definitely stay. And those who will are worth keeping.

:)

Happiness. Peace. Silence.
Ignorance is bliss.

Trust--- Big Word

Oh well, papel. I don't have the right to complain anyway, but still, it kinda upset me. I will never post anything about an on-going work again. Lesson learned the hard way. Again.

Failed

"Kailan niyo pa nakalimutan ang mga sarili niyo?"
-Gaara
(Naruto Shippuden, Tagalog dubbed in Abs-Cbn)

I'm not a Naruto fanatic, but I really love Gaara. That certain line of his really caught my attention. It was as if he was directly asking me the question above. And after months of being in the "lost state", I was finally able to name what I have become: a failure.

It didn't shock me though. Just... it just made me a little sad. I always knew I tend to run away when I'm scared, but recently, I decided to face my fears head-on. After months of worrying about it, I have finally started to make a move on fixing the problem in my Nihongo grade. It will take a lot of work, but what important is I get it done and over with as soon as possible.

And about my writing style... yeah, I started from scratch again. I'm reading tips on how to write a good novel. I won't elaborate more, but I am hoping for good results.

^____^