Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Miss Mina Esguerra's Holiday Giveaway: All of my books in print! Part 2

Posted by 23caris at 8:14 AM 0 comments
Question: Who's your favorite guy?

My favorite guy is Anton (That Kind of Guy). I love him because he is so unassuming, and he is so effortless in the way he carries himself. Everyone labels him as a bad boy, but it seems like he doesn't realize it himself, and that is because he isn't trying so hard to get attention. You simply get drawn to him.

I like the fact that from a "bad boy", he becomes a good boy for the woman he loves. What I like most about his character is his being straightforward. This trait of him is shown in the scene where he confronted Julie about her "act" of going to church for Simbang Gabi, when she actually don't.

But what I love about him most is the way he made Julie a better person by teaching her and encouraging her to do new things. You see, Julie is the kind of girl who's afraid of experimenting. But our Anton influenced her to try thing she hasn't before.

I should have chosen Lucas who shouldered a bad reputation to protect the woman who cheated on him, but my heart still chooses Anton because his character taught me to try new things. :)

Miss Mina Esguerra's "Holiday Giveaway: All of my books in print!"

Posted by 23caris at 8:08 AM 0 comments
Bonus Question: Which main character reminded you of yourself, or a friend?

Julie of That Kind of Guy reminded me of myself.

I'm the kind of girl who's afraid to try new things. Like Julie, I only eat at fast food chains and restaurants I am accustomed to ever since I was a child. I don't go to places I'm not familiar with. I don't do things which I know is out of my league. I have a routine, and I hate unscheduled gimmicks because I hate feeling and being unprepared.

I'm the kind of girl who prefers bad boys over good guys. I find good guys boring, like the way Julie felt with the good boy version of Anton. But ironically, I always say that I like good boys because they are easier to be with! But the truth is, I always go for bad boys --- and I always get dumped by that kind of guy. I realized this hypocrite side of me while I was reading That Kind of Guy.

I hated Julie when he turned down Anton's proposal. I hated her because I knew that if I was in her position, I would do the same because I realized how complicated "bad boys" are. I hated Julie because I saw myself in her. I saw my ugly side in her character.

But like Julie... I would be willing to try new things with the right person. ;)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Suffocated

Posted by 23caris at 5:02 PM 0 comments
I can't breathe. Maybe I'm not really destined to meet people's (mostly strangers!) expectations. I really wanted to do what they tell me to, to change my beliefs, and to even forget who I am so they would somehow find me valuable.

I've been quietly following what they dictate me, because that way, the problem will be solved easier. But like what I told my friend, I'm not happy. I even jokingly said to her that I'm probably in the "rebellious" stage. LOL! Me, a rebel? My friends would probably laugh at me. I'm not saying I'm a nice person, but I've always been a goody-two shoes.

But now... well, I wanna break-free. I want to become the person I wanted to be, not what they wanted to see in me. I know the road is tough, but this is me. *plays Demi Lovato's Camp Rock song*

This is what FINALS do to students! Curse you, finals!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Gagawin Ko Na

Posted by 23caris at 7:50 PM 0 comments
Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling ang mga ideya na naiisip ko ngayon. Ilang beses ko nang sinabi na, ayoko. Ayoko silang gawin dahil mahihirapan ako. Nand'yan ang madugong research (na kadalasan ay nagagamit lang naman sa isa o dalawang dialogue o narration), ang pahirapang pagja-justify at ang nakakaiyak na pagresolba sa conflict. Sa mga nakabasa na ng mga libro ko noon, alam niyong napaka-light lang ng mga kuwento ko.

But I decided to challenge myself. Kung kakayanin ko ba ang ganitong klase ng genre. It's not "erotic", or anything close to that. Sumuko na ko sa paggawa ng sizzling love scenes. LOL. Anyway, for a newbie like me, ang ganitong klase ng istorya ay nakakapanibago, at masakit sa ulo.

Pero kung hindi ko `to gagawin ngayon, kailan pa? Isa lang naman ang gusto ngayon: ang mag-improve. Hindi `yon mangyayari kung hindi ko iiwan ang comfort zone ko. Kay nagdesisyon akong iwan siya na tanging sandamakmak na kapal ng mukha, isang galon ng lakas ng loob at malaki-laking panyo ang baon ko.

Itong series na naiisip ko ay composed of four books lang. But the book 1 I am currently writing ay aabot ng 48k. Hindi ang word count o kapal ng libro ang problema. Iyong mga conflict. Isipin ko pa lang, naiiyak na ko. Pero ginusto ko `to, kaya kailangan ko `tong panindigan. Paninindigan ko `to.

Sana lang, kayanin ko.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

So Freakin' Happy!

Posted by 23caris at 2:42 AM 0 comments
The girls I really, really admire in class just gave me their permission to use their names in the series I am cooking up! And I'm too happy to care if my grammar is correct or not! Haha! We, in class, dub these girls as the "F4" female version simply because they are cool, smart and beautiful! Each of them has a unique personality that got me drawn into them. I can't wait to finish writing their stories.

The downside is, I'm too excited I don't know if I can make their story interesting the way I am imagining it in my head. I wanted to do something sexy, but NO. These girls are freakin' angels! So I will go for feel-good with the right amount of depth for each book.

They don't read pocketbooks, but I hope I don't disappoint them!

Yosh! Let's do this!

--- Luna The Fangirl

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

And She Really Did It

Posted by 23caris at 2:14 PM 0 comments
Fvck.

After (over) a long-week negotiation, she still submitted it yesterday. Er, it was awkward. If our instructor happened to read our works, he would surely realize that she and I had almost the same article. Damn! Ni hindi man lang natinag sa pagpaparinig ko. -___-

Three persons were assigned to interview one varsity team and make an article about it. The three of us discussed our "topics" so we could avoid having the same "voice". But my huge mistake was... I sent them a copy of my article so they would know what not to write on their works. Ang nakaka-shock na balita, when I read hers (one of the remaining two in my team, of course) it was... *sigh* I asked her to change her "topic", "view", "voice" but she didn't listen. Oh, well, papel.

Respect, dude. Respect. Not because I'm a "saling-cat" in our class you can already do this to me.

By the way, I didn't rewrite mine because... well, I didn't want her to "win:" but it seems that I lost the battle instead.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

E-books/PDF Files

Posted by 23caris at 5:52 AM 0 comments
My eyes can't bear reading e-books and PDF files for hours. It's not because I don't like them, but because I have poor eyesight and reading in front of my laptop, or through my phone makes my head ache. I remember after reading Beautiful Disaster (PDF) for about twelve hours (not sure), I got sick on the next day.

Oh, well, papel. What I'm trying to say is... I want to buy books! Hehe! A lot of books! My list is getting longer and longer but I don't have enough money to buy them yet. I'll follow my friend's advice and I will wait for the book fair na lang.

^___^

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Stressful Month/Patama Entry

Posted by 23caris at 5:18 AM 0 comments
School has never been this demanding before. For a bum/lazy girl like me, it's hell. Konting kibot lang, nauubos na ang enerhiya ko. My forte is procrastinating but I can't afford to do that anymore. The write-ups we have to finish for our midterms just keep on piling up and I'm about to get drown. But the thing is, school isn't what's dragging me down.

There's an ugly part of me that just won't calm down. I'm easily upset, irritated and hurt. The worse part is, we're talking about the people who are close to me --- or so I thought. It seems that I'm the only one who really cares. C'mon, if you're really my friend, learn how to respect me, dude. I hate confrontations because heated arguments are not helpful. I'm pikon, and I know for a fact that you could easily ask for resbak and I will instantly turn into an ambitious villain. But seriously. I know you know that you did something wrong and something unfair to me. I don't need to tell you that because it's easy to deny it, and it's easy to make it look like I'm just a pathetic insecure b*tch that couldn't match up to you, of course.

I'll stop caring. Do what you want. I don't want to become someone I dislike. Someone like you.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Bad Omen

Posted by 23caris at 12:39 PM 0 comments
Last Friday afternoon, when I was taking a power nap, I dreamed about my teeth falling out. The image was clear and vivid that it scared the sh*t out of me. It seemed so real

When I woke up, I Googled what that dream means. And this is what I got:

"These falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxieties. Perhaps you feel that you are unprepared for the task at hand. However, you will find that your worries are unfounded in most cases. Sometimes what plays out in your mind is far worse than what is reality."

"Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth symbolize power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream may be an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you have to say."

 

(c) dreammoods.com

--- After reading articles about my dream, I realized that they are right. The dream may be an indicator that I am going through a lot of stress recently. From my alter-ego to my personal life, everything just seems so wrong. I keep on messing up, and I feel lost. I am hurt (emotionally) by strangers, betrayed by people I treat as friends and... I just lost it.

So I decided to detach myself from the people and from the things that are probably giving me stress. I deactivated some of my social media accounts and I don't know when I will open them again. I need to free myself from the pressure, the pain and the mockery. I don't think I deserve all this bad treatments anymore. I'm not playing the "victim card" because I am not a victim of any sort. I just want to find myself again and to be happy. And I believe that I will find the peace I am looking for to the people who really care about me--- my family and friends. Real friends, I mean.

I even come up with my own version of "5 Ways To Be Worry-Free"

1. Mind your own business.
2. Stop caring for people who don't care for you.
3.  Let them do or say whatever they want, even if it hurts you. Keep calm and let them be. They know they did something unfair to you, but they will never admit it. You will just end up being the "bad guy."
4. Don't scroll down your FB page. Just check your notifications then log out.
5. Act bitchy sometimes and don't keep everyone in your life. People who really like you will put up with you, no matter how you act. Those people who couldn't even understand why you're not available to be their textmate probably won't stick with your during the hard times. Don't be afraid to let them go. If they genuinely like you as a person (and not just as your alter-ego) they will definitely stay. And those who will are worth keeping.

:)

Happiness. Peace. Silence.
Ignorance is bliss.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Trust--- Big Word

Posted by 23caris at 8:16 AM 0 comments
Oh well, papel. I don't have the right to complain anyway, but still, it kinda upset me. I will never post anything about an on-going work again. Lesson learned the hard way. Again.

Failed

Posted by 23caris at 3:42 AM 0 comments

"Kailan niyo pa nakalimutan ang mga sarili niyo?"

-Gaara
(Naruto Shippuden, Tagalog dubbed in Abs-Cbn)

I'm not a Naruto fanatic, but I really love Gaara. That certain line of his really caught my attention. It was as if he was directly asking me the question above. And after months of being in the "lost state", I was finally able to name what I have become: a failure.

It didn't shock me though. Just... it just made me a little sad. I always knew I tend to run away when I'm scared, but recently, I decided to face my fears head-on. After months of worrying about it, I have finally started to make a move on fixing the problem in my Nihongo grade. It will take a lot of work, but what important is I get it done and over with as soon as possible.

And about my writing style... yeah, I started from scratch again. I'm reading tips on how to write a good novel. I won't elaborate more, but I am hoping for good results.

^____^

Sunday, July 28, 2013

About Boys and Dating

Posted by 23caris at 4:34 AM 0 comments
I had an interesting day. Co-incidentally, I've read two books which are both about boys and dating woes. And that leaves me in confusion and deep thinking.

I always say that I'm more into "nice boys" type, because they are safe and because I know that being the introverted girl I am, good boys are much easier to deal with. BUT I cannot deny the fact that girls are really more attracted to "bad boys" type, whether we accept it or not. I'm one of those girls who complain about boys being all the same, that I want to look for a good guy but in the end, put that "good guy" in "friendzone" and let myself steal glances over a certain bad boy at school who won't even look my way. Yes, I'm such a hypocrite. So, I officially give up on looking for "good boys" and just accept the fact that I am more into "bad boys" simply because they are more good-looking, cooler and they're douchebags. And a bitch like me (I call myself this because I keep on saying I like good boys but when I encountered one recently, I immediately dumped him and put him in friendzone. What else to call me, right?) always end up falling for douchebags.

Is it because "bad boys" are more challenging? Is it about the chase? The honor (and pride) of being The Girl Who Changed Him? I think that's it. Well, isn't it great to be The Only Girl That Jerk cares about? I came up with the conclusion that bad boys are addicting simply because they are fun to be with.

But after reading this certain book about a "reformed player", I got a chance to enter the world of "bad boys" and the kind of treatment girls get from them. Honestly, even though I fell in love with the Bastard Hero, I absolutely hated the way he was with "easy-to-get girls" (the book described girls who play with bad boys as "easy-to-get"). Yes, that's it. Bad boys won't be bad boys if there aren't easy-to-get girls who'd play along with their silly games. But the worse part? These type of girls knew what they're getting yet, they are still willing to be their... I don't know, playmate? Because these "easy-to-get" girls are also just looking for fun. So I guess, that's how bad boys get away with it. They're not at fault because they set the rules, the "easy-to-get" girls accept it, and if they get hurt, they could only blame themselves. Hats off to you, bastard.

The lifestyle. From the books I've read, most bad boys could be found at bars, or any other "fun" places which include a huge crowd and loud music. DEFINITELY NOT THE PLACE FOR ME. You see, I'm a boring girl. I'd rather go to bookstores, eat at fast food chains, and sleep at home. My world is so small and I don't want it any other way. I'm bad at dealing people--- especially those who are in the high-society. And I'm also an insecure twenty year-old girl. Young, introvert, insecure--- way to go, me!

Because of my low self-confidence, I could relate to the heroine of the book. But she's different from me--- she's matured, beautiful, and successful. Yet, she's still full of fears and doubts. I understand her side--- she doesn't want to be The Girl The Bad Boy Cheats On and Leaves. Because bad boys are afraid of commitment and they don't stay loyal and faithful to one woman. The book said: a bad boy make girls cry, he dates two or three girls in a month and they will never know that and even if  they do, he would just say, "so what?"

Am I ready for that kind of relationship? Of course not. I'm not as stubborn and as strong-willed as the heroine. I would probably end up being The Girl Who Got Dumped By The Bad Boy Without Her Even Knowing It. I'm not yet ready for that kind of relationship--- whether with the Bad Boy or the Nice Guy. I'm still a girl who'll probably get eaten by wolves in the forest. I'm not happy with myself, so I would probably blame myself for being "incompetent" when a relationship ends badly.

Well, back to Bad Boys, they have this charm that is hard to resist--- when they fall in love, they fall in love. They fight for it, they change (not for her, but for THEM) and they... they simply love you with all their hearts. It's amazing how these "boys" turn into "men" when they found "the right one." And... *dreamy sigh* I can't find the right words to say but once a Bad Boy falls for You, you may doubt him at first, but soon you'll realize how lucky you are. You have probably saved a nation in your past life.

But... as for me, like I said above, I am not ready for this kind of commitment. If I want to find the right one, I should also work hard to be the "right girl" bad boys don't play with.

Bad Boys... Luxurious life... Professional world... I am not ready for any of them so I will just sit in front of my laptop and start creating characters that are much more realistic and loveable. Because the books I read made me realize that the characters (especially the heroes) in my novels are poorly developed, they are way too childish and they are just "boys." These books also give me a wider perspective on howl love and relationships work in real world and I suddenly realized what I lack in my books. I will work on these flaws.

And I will continue on my "research" about boys. They still confuse me! I don't get them at all!

Monday, July 22, 2013

If

Posted by 23caris at 5:09 PM 0 comments
I don't want to sound insensitive, but I really hate my father right now. He is the main reason why I'm afraid to get committed to someone. He didn't serve as a model for me in any way. I never would want to meet a guy like him. My "ideal man" is based on my uncles (mother side) and never on my own father.

My uncles are very responsible, reliable, and they're just good people. My father is probably the opposite and I am often ashamed to be his daughter.

Yeah, I know some people may say that, "Suwerte ka nga dahil may tatay ka. `Yong iba, wala." And this will probably be my answer: "Masuwerte lang `yong may mga tatay na responsable. Kung may tatay ka nga pero wala ring *halos* silbi sa pamilya niyo at ang nanay mo rin lang ang nagtataguyod sa inyo, believe me, you're better off without a father. I am so lucky that my mother could accomplish both roles to us."

Maybe a time will come that I will regret saying this. But this is how I feel right now. I have lost so many chances in my life because of my father. Alam kong kahit ano pang mangyari, siya pa rin ang tatay ko. But he was the reason why my dreams shattered before. It's hell.

 If only...

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Cory & Lea

Posted by 23caris at 7:09 PM 0 comments
I'm not a fan of Glee, but I like that show. I didn't just have the chance to watch it since I'm busy with school and work. I shouldn't feel attached to the characters since I could count on my fingers the episodes I've watched. But... but my heart was still broken after hearing the news that Cory passed away. I was saddened by the cause of his death, but above that, I am more saddened by the fact that he has left Lea.

You see, that is Cory and Lea's magic. The chemistry Finn and Rachel had on-screen was manifested off-screen. They click. They just had to be together. I am a proof since I'm not a super fan, but I still loved them together. The news was heartbreaking. He was so young, and he had dreams... with Lea. Just thinking about the life they dreamed of together that just won't happen anymore is enough to make me feel depressed.

They were a symbol of true love, and all of a sudden, he was gone. The love everyone envied was shattered right before our eyes. Lea, our poor Lea, must be feeling worst.

Ah, I won't make this longer. I might cry again. All I want to say is... though Cory has left Lea, I knew what they had would be irreplaceable and unforgettable. True love, indeed.

"You're going to be star. Without me."
-Finn Hudson

The line above killed me inside. It's like a premonition of what's gonna happen to Lea.

And the video below made me cry a river. It's perfect for Cory and Lea's love: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67NxeGZKym4 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

On Being A Big Disappointment

Posted by 23caris at 8:42 PM 0 comments
Looking at my grandma's photo makes me feel awful. When she was still here, she was proud of me even though there was nothing to be proud of. And now that she's gone, I feel ashamed that I haven't done anything to prove to her that I'm worth her love and respect.

And now as I reflect, I haven't done anything to make my family proud. I always act on impulse, and do whatever I want without thinking how the people around me would feel, thinking I'm right all the time. It's both shameful and a gesture of arrogance on my part. I don't think my mommy is happy with the "me" right now, and that what hurts.

*sigh*

I'm sorry to everyone I have disappointed. I will become a better person soon. For you, Mommy.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

On Menstrual Cramps and Melodrama Genre

Posted by 23caris at 7:39 PM 0 comments
I both hate and love menstrual cramps. I hate having it because it freakin' hurt. But I love having it because that way, I'm forced to stop sleeping off half of my day. LOL. I'd rather face my laptop and immerse myself in writing so I would forget about my cramps.

Anyway, I think I've mentioned before that I am a frustrated rom-com writer. I really, really envy those who could make people laugh with their creative narration and their characters' witty lines. I'm a boring person in real life, so I'm unable to put any wit or humor in my works. Pitiful me. Huhu. Why am I such a boring and plain individual? Haha, kidding.

For my latest released novels - specifically Miss Ugly Duckling Chases Mr. Bangko, Marry My Best Friend and A Rocker May Get Tongue-tied -  it is arguable that they fall in the "melodrama" genre. I received comments like, "naiyak po talaga ako ng hard" or "nakakaiyak po sina Riley at Crayon."

Well, it makes me happy knowing that they felt the pain I felt while I was writing those stories. It also makes me think that I'm kinda "effective" making the readers shed a tear or two. I always tell myself, "sa susunod, rom-com na talga." Ironically, I once again fall in the melodrama category. Why do I have gloomy ideas? Am I that gloomy? LOL again.

I really wanted a change of genre. My readers are probably so used of my feel-good and melodrama books. I wanted to surprise them. I even wrote one sexy and mature story, only to get a heartbreaking comment from my editor: "masyado siyang wholesome." After hearing that, I forget everything about sizzling love scenes. LOL AGAIN.

And now, surprise, surprise! I'm writing three sad stories of three sisters. These are probably the heaviest plots I came up with. I just don't know if I can pull it off.

Oh, melodrama. Do you love me that much? LOL.

Anyway, I love you, too. Pero puwede naman sina rom-com at sexy-rom-com, `di ba? LOL talaga.


Monday, July 8, 2013

Cry~

Posted by 23caris at 8:52 PM 0 comments
I can't believe I'm crying right now just because I don't know what else to delete from my manuscript so from 34k, it would be reduced to 26k. And my editor needs it... now. Help me, Lord.

English

Posted by 23caris at 2:38 PM 0 comments
I'm having difficulties in speaking and writing in English now.

Today, I was asked to read my English feature article in class, and as embarrassing as it could get, I pronounced each word as if they are tongue-twisters. I freakin' hate my accent, it sounded so pilit. And I remember, recently, while I was writing, I forgot the correct spelling of "marriage". Gaaah. I'm so ashamed of myself.

My former English teacher in HS might probably *facepalm* when she happens to read this post. I was good in English way back then. LOL. Maybe I should start reading English books and I should start picking up my dictionary again.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

"Ayoko na ng isang camero role" (Reblogged)

Posted by 23caris at 9:09 AM 0 comments

Ayoko na ng isang cameo role


Lackluster Ending
Isang lackluster ending. Ugh.
It escalated quickly.
‘Yan na lang ang masasabi ko with regards sa screenshot ng isang text message na nakikita mo ngayon. Hindi naman kasi dapat umabot sa ganyan eh, pero nandyan na eh. Tapos na. Tinapos na ang isang pagkakaibigang tumagal rin ng halos dalawang taon sa kabila ng kung anu-anong something.
Tama na nga, no sense crying over spilled milk. Bakit ba siya na naman ang ito-topic ko? This time ako naman. Tayo naman.
Tayong mga nakukuntentong um-extra na lang sa love story ng iba. Makaka-relate ka siguro or hindi, wala naman akong pakialam, kasi ako nakaka-relate. Naiintindihan ko. Ang nangyayari kasi, pumapayag tayo (damay damay na!) na maging secondary characters at minsan, kontrabida sa isang love story na ‘di naman tayo welcome.
First indication pa lang na nakikialam ka na sa kanila, tumigil ka na. Walang mabuting maidudulot sa’yo ‘yan. Kaibigan lang? Mukha mo. Tandaan mo, hindi ka immune sa kanya lalo na’t sa checklist mo ng isang ideal na better half ay naka-tatlo or more siyang checkmarks. Or less kahit isang checkmark lang ‘yan, basta may desirable siyang trait for you eh vulnerable ka na sa kanya.
Hindi ka immune sa kanya. Walang isinaksak sa’yong vaccine bago kayo maging “close.” Kaya malaki ang tsansa na, barring all decency and common sense on your part, eh ma-fall ka sa kanya. Jusko naman, you know it’s possible and yet tuloy-tuloy ka pa rin. Hindi pa man kasal ‘yan, hindi pa man sila technically isang “pamilya,” ikaw ay isa nang technically, mang-aagaw. Kumakabit. Nanunulot. Walang justifications, walang reason na pwedeng magsalba sa’yo sa mga tag na ‘yan dahil totoo naman.
Sa tingin mo ba harmless ‘yan para sa’yo at sa kanila? NO. What the fvck are you smoking, dude?
C’mon, kahit hindi mo sinasadya, subconsciously eh gumagawa ka ng paraan para mas mapalapit kayo at magkalayo sila. Ganun lang naman ‘yan eh, parang tug of war. Si special person sa gitna ang nahihila, ang naiipit…ang nasasaktan. Gusto mo ba n’un?
Kapag nagkakaselosan na, kapag nagkakaaway na kayo, kapag nagiging komplikado na…Simple lang ang solusyon dyan: Leave their fvcking love story alone. ‘Wag ka nang umepal.
Antagonist ang labas mo. In short, kontrabida. Isang kontrabidang nangangarap maging bida. Go figure. Never magiging bida ang isang kontrabida lalo na sa mga ways na ginagawa niya, sa mga paraang niu-utilize niya para lang mapalapit dun sa bida at tuluyan nang palitan ‘yung undeserving (sa mga bias na mata mo, natin) na lead actor.
Or worse, ikaw ‘yung supporting character na friends forever sa bida na secretly eh may gusto ka. Mas kahindik-hindik ‘to dahil may tsansa ka sa dulo na maging trusty family friend or ninong ng mga anak ng bida at lead actor. Talk about adding insult to injury. Or rubbing salt to the wound. Ansakit lang ‘di ba? Pero ‘di ka naman mapupunta sa posisyong ‘yan kung ‘di ka nagpumilit magsumiksik sa love story nila eh. Ikaw ang may kasalanan.  ’Di ka naman invited sa set ng pelikula nila, ‘di ka naman kailangan sa isa nang buong cast.
Walang kasalanan si girl na sobrang friendly, nag-entertain at nangunsinte sa’yo or si guy na pabayang BF, sobrang possesive, major douchebag or sadyang walang kwenta lang talaga. Wala silang kasalanan (unfortunately), ikaw ang mali. Maling mali ka at dagdag pa riyan na nag-commit ka ng isang napakalaking kasalanan sa sarili mo.
You just demoted yourself to a secondary role.
‘Wag kang makuntento sa isa lang cameo role sa love story ng iba. Create your own movie. Create your own story. Jusko naman, hindi mo kailangang maki-party-party (er, third party) sa kanila. Kaya mong maging masaya na hindi nakakasakit ng ibang tao. Kaya mong gumawa ng isang storya na ikaw ang bida, na mas creative pa, na mas maganda, na mas masaya pa sa love story nila. Kayang kaya mo ‘yun. Ikaw pa.
You’re too awesome to be confined to a secondary role. You’re too awesome to be the villain. Magsimula ka ng isang  panibagong kwento, panibagong libro at panibagong pelikula kung saan ikaw naman ang bida.
Tayo naman ang bida (HAHAHA!) Sabi nga ni Pope Benedict XV- ”La comedia e finita…” (The comedy is over). Tama, tapusin na ang komedyang ‘to. Teka…comedy?
Ang pogi ko namang komedyante.
Bida material kaya 'to. Hero na hero ang dating XD
Bida material kaya ‘to. Hero na hero ang dating XD

Re-blogged
Credits to: Pseudostoic's Outlet
>>> http://pseudostoic.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/ayoko-na-ng-isang-cameo-role/

Buzzer Beater Fail!

Posted by 23caris at 8:54 AM 0 comments
I'm really shocked, and a little upset.

Remember my post, "Buzzer Beater?" Well, our professor included my name on the list of those who haven't submitted the articles yet. Argh. I hope it's in the spam messages. >.<

Pork Part 2

Posted by 23caris at 7:15 AM 0 comments
Procrastination at its best.

*sigh*
I mentioned before that instead of dutifully doing our daily assignment, I make my Sundays a "News Article Marathon". I'm supposed to write summaries of five sports news and five news articles. But after 2 hours of facing my laptop, all I've finished was one sports news summary. Gaaaah. I'm so lazy.

*sigh*
And I overreacted over a certain post in our university group page on Facebook. I kinda feel bad about it. This is why I hate speaking out. I feel guilty and anxious because I'm worried if I hurt someone's feelings. I hope people would look past my "sermon" and see that I'm just concerned about them.

*sigh*

Buzzer Beater!

Posted by 23caris at 12:10 AM 0 comments
Haha! I feel triumphant!

Last Thursday, July 4, our class was assigned to cover Marcelo H. del Pilar's 117th Death Commemoration at his shrine and museum in Bulakan-Bulacan. The program was surprisingly interesting, especially with Professor Chua (from the History Department of De La Salle University-Manila) hilarious yet informative discussions. There was even a time when I got teary-eyed as he retold del Pliar's life story, especially the part where his daughter, Anita, said the line: "Lagi na lang bang para sa bayan?"

Gaaah! That was so touching! I guess I'm really a writer because when Professor Chua mentioned that Anita (del Pilar's daughter to his wife) was forced to marry her husband, Vicente. But their children (Anita and Vicente's) later on said that their mother really loved their father. Anita got hysterical when she found out that Vicente was going to fight for our country's freedom. That was when she said the line I mentioned above. I just found it romantic. Anita was afraid to lose her husband the way she lost her father. Yeah, I know. I'm such a hopeless romantic. But seriously, the life story of the del Pilars is very touching.

I wanted to talk about my favorite hero, Andres Bonifacio because I fell in love with him more after what Professor Chua shared during the discussion, but that deserves another post. <3

Anyway, we were asked by our instructor to make a 12-paragraphed long news article about the event. The deadline was today, 3pm. I started writing the article at 2pm. Gaaah! I know! Procrastination at its finest! I though I wasn't going to make it. It was already quarter to 3 but I was still at the eight paragraph. I almost slammed my fingers on the keyboard. Hehe!

But I finished it and sent the article at my prof's email at 2:50! Voila!

So it wasn't really a buzzer beater. I just feel like saying it. LOL.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Stuff Food In Your Mouth So You Don't Have To Speak

Posted by 23caris at 12:01 AM 0 comments
*sigh*
I guess it's really hard for me to say "no" to other people. I feel guilty whenever I try to turn them down. My friends say it's not good for me and I know it really isn't. But I hate asking other people for help because I'm afraid of rejection. Ah, that must be it. I hate rejections so I don't have the heart to reject others.

One more thing, my mama and I had a fight yesterday. Since I was a child, I was taught never to talk back to older people. I believe I was right, and I really wanted to explain my side, but that would mean talking back in the eye of the elders. I was really mad at my mother's irrational decision, and I really wanted to speak out. But whenever I am angry, I prefer to keep my mouth shut and think hard. They say "don't make decisions based on your emotions", I always have that in my mind. I rethink and rethink the possible outcomes once I start voicing out my opinions, especially if I know it could hurt other people. Because of this mind set, I always lose in arguments. Scratch that. Argument doesn't even start because I don't talk when I'm angry or hurt.

*sigh*
In the end, I always end up agreeing to other people's requests even though it's inconvenient for me. And I always end up smiling and even saying sorry to people I had a conflict with. But... I don't regret it. I don't want arguments. I just want everyone to be friendly with each other. Another wishful thinking of mine.

Anyway, I always end up in a fast food chain whenever I am in a bad mood. I'd rather stuff food in my mouth than voice out opinions that may start a misunderstanding.

*sigh*
I need to have a backbone.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Roeffy

Posted by 23caris at 8:06 PM 0 comments
Roeffy is my favorite Hibari Kyoya cosplayer.

I can't remember the name of the event, but it was held at MOA where Kaname was the guest/judge of the competition.

Kyoya Hibari is my all-time favorite anime character. I was looking for Hibari cosers then. I found some but... well, I didn't like them. Until this certain boy passed by. I was surprised because of all the Hibari cosers there, he was the best! I grabbed his arm and said, "Kuya! Pa-picture tayo!"

Oh well. I'll make this short. I was broken-hearted when I found out I was four years ahead of him. I know it isn't a huge gap, but still... he's too young for me.

BOOK TITLE:
My Knight In A Cosplay (unpublished/Dream Love)
CHARACTER NAME:
Rinton

Here's our picture together:
Roeffy and I. Cosplay event.

Jaycee

Posted by 23caris at 7:53 PM 0 comments
Jaycee is my crush. :)

LOL. Jaycee made me do one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Joke! I was in MOA with my friends (Mame Akira and `My Nikka) when I saw him. He was really handsome I just found myself trailing him until he went inside a certain shop. I followed him there, too!

Everyone was looking at me as my friend take stolen shots of him. I gathered up all my courage and asked a picture with him! Then, a solo shot after that. He was actually hesitant at first, and he asked me why I was taking his pic. I said he's a perfect hero material and I need him as an inspiration for the book I was writing then.

I asked his name and his Facebook account, but he didn't want to tell me. Haha. Maybe nakulitan na siya so he finally gave me his name --- Jaycee! Though I doubt if it was his real name.

BOOK TITLE:
My Boy PeeCee
CHARACTER NAME:
Jaycee Kim

Here's our picture together:
Jaycee and I. This was taken in MOA, after I stalked him around.



Melvin

Posted by 23caris at 7:33 PM 0 comments
Melvin is a close male friend of mine. :)

Actually, Melvin is my best friend's guy best friend. I'm sometimes jealous of him because he seems closer to my BF than I am with her.

But since they look so goood together, I let it pass. The three of us (Melvin, our bestfriend and I) watched a movie one time. And, frankly speaking, I was so out of place! Haha! They kept on talking about things I couldn't relate to. Thank God for my earphones!

Anyway, Melvin and our best friend gave me maraming-maraming kilig. I believe that they will end up together someday, but they just laughed it off! So, to satisfy my imagination, I just made a story out of their super cute friendship!

BOOK TITLE:
Luna Ville Book 5
Marry My Best Friend
CHARACTER NAME:
Melvin Wu (his real name)
Kelvin Chen (yes! he is Kelvin)

Here's our picture together:
Melvin and I. This was taken in the movie house after we watched Breaking Dawn 2.

PeeCee

Posted by 23caris at 7:22 PM 0 comments
PeeCee is my favorite boy. :)
Yes, I'm gaga over him, even though he doesn't know I exist. Well, maybe he knows, but he doesn't care. We talk, we chat, but we're not really close. I always "hunt" him at school and I always make sure to take a picture of/with him. I so love his face. He has all the characteristics I wanted in a guy.

We first met at McDo. Our tables were side by side but there was a window-like division between us. But that didn't stop me from talking to him. LOL. I asked him if I could take a picture of him using the camera of my phone. And he was nice enough to stay still for a few seconds and smile at me as I take a picture of him. Gaaah. It was love at first click!


A month after that, my friend saw his picture on my phone and she said, "Si PeeCee `yan, ah!"
Apparently, he is kinda famous in our university. I searched him on Facebook - the ever stalker-friendly social networking site - and added him. I also sent him a message asking if I could use him as an inspiration for my next book. He said yes, and yah, I wrote a novel where in the characters are based on US. Yah, I'm the heroine of that book!

BOOK TITLE:
My Boy PeeCee
CHARACTER NAME:
PeeCee Illustre

Here's our picture together:
PeeCee and I. This was taken a month after our first encounter. I was so surprised to him again, so I asked him to take a picture with me. And yah, I'm this thick-skinned. But I don't care. This picture is so worth it!

My Favorite Bully

Posted by 23caris at 6:22 PM 0 comments

Excerpt from: "My Favorite Bully"

Approved Date: May-something




“Hey, I didn’t know it’s laundry day today!”


Nalingunan ni Tyra si Colin na nakasilip sa back door. “Ah, naisipan ko lang bigla na maglaba ngayon.”


“Sana sinabi mo agad sa’kin para kanina pa kita natulungan,” sabi nito habang naglalakad palapit sa kanya.


Bigla siyang napatayo nang bigla na lang tumibok ng mabilis ang puso niya. “Hindi na. Kaya ko naman na.” Tinalikuran niya si Colin at kinuha niya ang water hose para punuin sana ang timba na paglalagyan niya ng mga kinusot niyang damit.


“Tutulungan na kita,” giit ni Colin.


Napasinghap siya nang hawakan siya nito sa braso. Sa pagkataranta niya ay pumihit siya paharap dito, at nawala sa isip niya na bukas ang hawak niyang water hose. Nasinghap si Colin nang mabasa ito.


“Sorry!” hinging paumanhin niya, saka pinatay ang water hose. “Sorry talaga.”


“Nah,” bale-walang sabi ni Colin, saka nito hinubad ang nabasa nitong T-shirt.


Natigilan siya habang pinapanood si Colin na maghubad ng pang-itaas nito. Hindi iyon ang unang pagkakataong naghubad ito sa harap niya, pero iyon ang unang pagkakataon na tila bumagal ang pag-ikot ng mundo habang sinusundan niya ang bawat galaw nito, lalo na ang paggalaw ng kalamnan nito sa matitigas nitong mga braso.


“Ako na ang magsasampay, ha?” alok ni Colin, saka walang kahirap-hirap na binuhat ang timba na naglalaman ng mga kinusot niyang damit kanina.


Naikuyom naman niya ang mga kamay niya habang pinapanood ang pag-flex ng mga muscle sa magkabilang braso ni Colin sa tuwing pipigain nito ang mga basang damit bago iyon isampay. Parang tanga siya nang sinundan ng tingin ang pagpatak ng pawis ni Colin sa noo, pababa sa mukha nito, sa leeg hanggang sa matitipunong dibdib ng binata. There was really something special about sweaty hunks. Ang bango-bango pa ring tingnan ni Colin kahit pawisan na ito!


Dapat ay sanay na siyang makakita ng mga machong katawan. Pero hayun siya at pinagnanasahan si Colin na inosenteng nagsasampay lang ng mga nilabhan niyang damit.


Umiling-iling siya, saka tumayo sa loob ng malaking batya, saka inapak-apakan ang mga damit doon na binabad niya.


Muli na namang dumako ang tingin niya kay Colin. Nakatalikod na ito mula sa kanya kaya malaya na niya itong napagmamasdan.

“Tyra, tapos mo na bang banlawan itong nasa kabilang timba?” tanong ni Colin nang lingunin siya nito.


Wala sa sariling napatango na lang tuloy siya kahit hindi naman niya naitindihan ang tanong ni Colin.


Yumuko si Colin para kunin ang damit sa timba na pipigain, pero himbis na damit ay bra niya ang hawak nito!


Napasinghap siya at dali-daling bumaba sa timba at inagaw niya ang bra niya mula rito. “Pervert ka talaga!”


Napakurap ito, pero nang makabawi ay ngumisi ito. “Mahilig ka pala sa lace. Sexy.”

My Favorite Girl

Posted by 23caris at 6:03 PM 0 comments
Excerpt from: "My Favorite Girl"
Approved date: May-something
[I was supposed to post the teaser, but since I sent 4 teasers, hindi ko alam kung anong pipiliin nila, kaya excerpt na lang]



“THERE’S no fucking way I’m leaving my apartment for you!” In-arm lock ni Strike sa leeg si Colin.

“Fuck you, Colin. Ngayon lang ako hihingi ng pabor sa’yo kaya pagbigyan mo na ko!”

Kasalukuyan siyang nasa apartment ni Colin. Sinabi niya rito na gusto niyang hiramin dito ang unit nito ng ilang buwan. Bakante kasi ang unit sa tabi niyon at `yon ang gusto niyang ipakita kay Cee-Cee para tirhan nito. Originally, he wanted her to move in the condo unit next to his. Pero nang sabihin nitong hindi nito kaya ang condominium building na tinitirhan niya, naisip niya ang apartment complex na tambayan ni Colin na higit na mura kaysa sa tinitirhan niya. May bahay kasi si Colin at ginagawa lang nitong palipasan ng gabi kasama ang kung sinu-sinong babae ang apartment nito.

“May iba namang bakanteng kuwarto sa ibang floor kaya bakit mo pinagsisiksikan ang sarili mo sa unit ko?” angil ni Colin.

Pinakawalan na niya ito. Kung nabigyan lang sana siya ng sapat na panahon para maghanap ng condominium na mura, hindi siya hihingi ng pabor kay Colin. Puwede rin naman na kumuha siya ng ibang unit sa ibang palapag sa building na iyon. Pero hindi puwedeng makita ni Cee-Cee sa Colin sa building na iyon. Hindi pa siya handang malaman ng dalaga ang kaugnayan niya kay Kraige dahil natatakot siyang lumayo ito sa kanya. Now, where did it come from? Hindi niya rin alam kung saan nanggaling `yon. Pero simula nang gabing makausap niya si Cee-Cee, nang tawagin nito ang pangalan niya, nang sa unang pagkakataon ay tinitigan siya nito ng matagal, naramdaman niyang hindi iyon ang huling pagkakataon na magkakasama sila.

Bumuntong-hininga siya. “Colin. I really need your help. Please,” pakiusap niya rito.

Halatang nagulat si Colin. He even looked horrified. “Holy shit! Ikaw ba talaga si Santino Tristan Manzano? You pleaded me! Me, the person you disrespect most!”

Ngumiwi siya. “Hey, hindi kita minamaliit... Medyo lang.”

“Ano ba talaga ang nangyayari, Strike? Bakit gusto mo na lang bigla na angkinin `tong unit ko?”

“Kailangan ko lang nang –” Natigilan siya nang may marinig siyang katok sa pinto. “Shit! She’s here.” Kumunot ang noo ni Colin. “Sino?”

Himbis na sagutin ito ay marahang tinulak niya lang ito sa loob ng banyo. “Dude, alang-alang sa pagkakaibigan natin, nakikiusap ako sa’yo. Anuman ang makita o marinig mo ngayon, hinding-hindi ka gagawa ng ingay d’yan at lalong hindi ka lalabas. I’m begging you,” seryosong pagmamakaawa niya rito. Lalong kumunot ang noo ni Colin habang tila pinag-aaralan ang mukha niya. Gago ito sa maraming bagay, pero alam niyang pinahahalagahan nito ang pagkakaibigan nila kaya alam niyang hindi siya nito matatanggihan.

“You owe me big time, Strike,” sumusukong sabi ni Colin.

Tinapik niya ito sa braso, saka sinara ang pinto ng banyo. Humugot muna siya ng malalim na hininga. Bago siya umakyat sa apartment ni Colin ay nagbilin na siya sa guwardiya na may ‘Cee-Cee Magpugay’ siyang kasama na nahuli lang ng dating. Relax, Strike. Everything’s gonna be fine. Binuksan na niya ang pinto. Pigil niya ang hininga niya habang unti-unti iyong bumubukas at unti-unti rin niyang nasisilayan ang magandang mukha ni Cee-Cee.

Binigyan siya ng tipid na ngiti ni Cee-Cee. “Hi, Strike.”

Awtomatikong napangiti siya dahil sa ngiti nito. “Hello, Cee-Cee. Come in.”

Niluwagan niya ang pagkakabukas sa pinto para makapasok ito. Pero agad din niyang pinagsisihan `yon dahil no’n niya lang napansin ang magulong estado ng unit ni Colin! Nakakalat sa sala ang maruruming damit nito! Hindi niya marahil napansin `yon kanina dahil sa pagtatalo nila ni Colin. Naramdaman niya ang pag-iinit ng magkabila niyang pisngi lalo na nang ilibot ni Cee-Cee ang tingin nito sa buong kuwarto.

Napakamot siya ng batok. “Cee-Cee, pasensiya ka na. Hindi pa kasi dumadating ang tagalinis ng unit ko. Sorry.”

Umiling ito. “Walang problema. Ako nga ang dapat humingi ng pasensiya dahil nakakaistorbo ako sa’yo.”

“Of course not,” mabilis na tanggi niya. Nang tingnan siya nito ay tumikhim siya. “Halika na. Tingnan na natin `yong bakanteng kuwarto sa tabi. Parating na rin ang owner ng apartment complex na `to.”

Tumango ito. “Salamat.”

Naglalakad na sila palabas nang may naapakan si Cee-Cee. Muntik na itong madulas kaya hinawakan niya ito sa siko. May kakaiba siyang naramdaman sa dibdib niya nang magkadikit ang mga balat nila. Para siyang napaso kaya binitawan agad niya ang dalaga na yumuko para damputin ang naapakan nito. Hindi niya alam kung dala ba ng kaba o gulat pero mabilis ang tibok ng puso niya.

“Ahm... Strike...”

Natauhan lang siya nang basta na lang itulak ni Cee-Cee ang isang kahon sa dibdib niya, saka ito humakbang paatras sa kanya. Napansin din niyang namumula ang mga pisngi nito at hindi rin makatingin ng diretso sa mga mata niya. No’n dumako ang tingin niya sa kahon na hawak niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang makitang isang kahon iyon ng condom!

Walanghiya ka, Colin! You’re such a huge pervert!

Tumikhim siya. “Cee-Cee, it’s not what you –”

“Okay lang, Strike,” sansala ni Cee-Cee sa sinasabi niya. “You’re a bachelor. Hindi mo kailangang magpaliwanag,” anito saka mabilis na lumabas ng apartment.

Napabuga naman siya ng hangin, saka niya hinagis ang kahon sa pinto ng banyo. “Great! She thinks I’m a pervert now!”

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Kasalanan Mo

Posted by 23caris at 3:52 AM 0 comments
When I decide to do something, I do it alone. Ayokong ipilit sa isang tao na samahan ako o gawin ang mga bagay na gusto ko kasama siya. So when things don't turn out well, hindi ako masisisi ng kahit sino na "dapat kasi hindi mo na ko dinamay!" So, I prefer doing things on my own. At kahit pa may tumulong sa'kin, say, group work o ano, I still strive to do my part. Kahit pa akuin ko ang lahat ng responsibilidad. So even if we fail, wala akong ibang sisisihin kundi ang sarili ko. Na ako ang may gawa nito sa sarili ko. That's my mindset. Walang kinalaman ang ibang tao sa nangyayari sa'kin. I do my best to remain humble. Humble. Humble. Humility. Humility. Humility. :)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Focus, Focus, Focus

Posted by 23caris at 1:09 PM 0 comments
Today, I shall start writing these stories that are completely different from my previous published books. I will be really, really careful in crafting them. The plots are actually cliche, but I will do my best to add more twist to the stories, to make the characters loveable and to make the readers cry. Three simple stories, carefully crafted and carefully written. I must do this. I can. So God, help me.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Pocra... Prosca... Procra... Pork

Posted by 23caris at 8:51 AM 0 comments
Procrastinate --- isang salitang hirap na hirap ako bigkasin, pero paborito ko namang gawin. For our major subjects (News and Sports Writing) we were assigned to read one news article and one sports news per day, and make a summary out of them. So, we are required to read broadsheets everyday. But since tamad ako, ginagawa kong marathon ang pagsusulat ng news and sports article every SUNDAY NIGHT, and I am supposed to pass those articles the next day. But... I enjoy it. I enjoy looking for news on the net, scanning them, and analyzing them. Like I said in my post before, sa tuwing ginagawa ko `yon, masyado akong na-a-absorb. Tama na nga. Mahirap i-justify ang pagiging tamad. Haha. -JournalistEverySundayNight-

"Him"

Posted by 23caris at 6:02 AM 0 comments
"Him", who's now happy with "her." I miss "him". If only I could trade one day with "her" to be with "him," I would.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Last

Posted by 23caris at 6:50 AM 0 comments
Pulling yourself together, telling yourself "get up, get up!" countless times, picking up the pieces of your broken spirit one by one... you know you can do it. But it's scary because you're alone. Because you know no one else but yourself could help you. Because you know that even if you give up, no one would be there to pull you up. It's a battle between you and yourself. It's tiring. It's sad. It's lonely. But you have to get through this somehow. You must. You can't be miserable for the rest of your life. You can't give them the satisfaction of showing them you're hurt. This is just a moment of vulnerability. It will pass. It will. You can cry tonight. Everything will be okay tomorrow. Cry. Cry. Cry. -Scared Little Moon Princess-

Buti Naligo Ako Kahit Malamig

Posted by 23caris at 3:31 AM 0 comments
It’s really hard when you start hating the thing you loved most. This past month, I didn’t know what happened to me but I was so down, so depressed and yes, I also started to hate writing novels. It probably started during the last week of May. I feel like my spirit is broken for some reason. It’s as if my dream just shattered right before my eyes and all I did was look at it. I know something is eating me slowly inside. Something strong, something dark. I don’t have enough strength to fight it, so I ran away. MS Word, creating character profiles, organizing plot, daydreaming about romantic scenes, thinking of cheesy lines... I just started to hate all of them. I turned my back on them, and shifted all my attention to the real me. I embraced my student life so dearly. I enjoyed going school to the fullest --- even attending my afternoon class even though I knew classes would be suspended. Why? Because I wanted an excuse so I wouldn’t have to face my manuscript. I’m running away, making myself believe I don’t like writing novels anymore, that I hate it now. So when I lose it, I could comfort myself by saying “it’s okay, you don’t love it anymore.” But it hurts. Everytime I see how happy my co-writers are with their approved MS, upcoming books, and all other things I used to feel then, my heart aches. Irritating, right? I know it’s too early to feel this way. I haven’t even proven anything to other people as a writer. And yet, here I am, moping over something I can’t even explain. Shit happens. I don’t really know what exactly happened to me. I just found myself hating everything related to my “alter-ego.” But then again... something changed while I was taking a bath this afternoon. I don’t what made me do it suddenly, but I was pulling myself together, finally, after a month of making myself miserable. It was as if I regained my spirit back somehow by staring at the water. LOL. I found myself talking to myself. Something was ignited inside me, and I don’t even know what the heck triggered the positivism I somehow lost this past month. And then, there’s my editor. She said something that strengthened my resolve. I’ll get up. Stronger. Fiercer. And yeah, sexier. Joke. -LK

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Feels Like Going Back To Where You're From

Posted by 23caris at 4:58 PM 0 comments
As Luna King, nag-hibernate ako ng sobrang tagal. Inatake ako ng pagka-insecure. Some people may get irritated, may some judge me as a person that gives up easily. But it happens. At one point in our life, darating naman talaga ang moment na magiging sobrang down ka kahit wala namang ginagawang masama sa'yo ang ibang tao. It's an inner battle. You versus yourself. Kung hindi mo pa `to naranasan, maswerte ka.

Paano mo ibabangon ang sarili mo kung mismong ikaw eh ang baba ng tingin mo sa sarili mo? Ilang beses ko nang narinig `yan. People, that's exactly my dilemma. Comforting words coming from my friends are appreciated. Pero hindi ang mga salita nila ang magbabangon sa'yo. Trabaho mo `yon. I'm experiencing that battle right now. I feel like I'm faced with my dark self. And she's stronger. Nauubos ang lakas ko. I'm fighting her, but this will take a little longer. Alam kong unti-unti, nakakabawi na ko. Pero hindi pa rin siya tumba, kaya hindi pa tapos ang laban.

Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko dahil naghahanap ako ng masisising ibang tao for the misery I am in at the moment. It's a nagging feeling, it's pulling me down, eating me whole.

Yesterday I started to use my Wattpad account again and I wrote a story. It's romance, yes, but it's tragedy, so I'm not violating my contract with PHR... er, right? Hehe. Anyway, kaya sinulat ko `yon ay dahil gusto kong ipaalala sa sarili ko kung bakit ako nagsulat noon. Before, wala akong pakialam sa pera na kikitain ko sa pagsusulat. I just wanted to write a story. Pero tumagal, aaminin ko, naging mukhang pera praktikal na ko. So I think, do'n nagsimula ang paghina ng apoy ng passion ko. Well, a writer needs money to survive. Pero maliit na kabayaran lang `yon kumpara sa saya na nararamdaman natin kapag nakakatapos tayo ng istorya.

At ang saya na `yon ang kulang sa mga nakaraang sinulat ko.

Pressure na ang naramdaman ko nung nakaraan. Pressure kasi dumadami na kaming mga new writers. Siyempre, kailangan galingan ko para hindi ako mawala sa listahan ng mga readers. Pressure kasi sa tuwing pinupuri ng editor ko ang isang na-approved kong nobela, alam kong tumataas din ang expectation niya sa sequel niyon.Pressure kasi nag-aasam ako ng mas matured na story, mas komplikadong conflict at mas malalim na kuwento. Hindi pa yata abot ng utak at karanasan ko dahil gaya ng sinabi ng mga nag-review sa libro ko, masyadong childish ang mga characters, na nagre-reflect sa pagkatao ko. Childish, wala pang alam sa hirap ng totoong buhay. But that's not true. Marami na kong napagdaang problema sa pamilya, lalo na at panganay ako. Araw-araw ko na iyong hinaharap sa buhay ko KAYA AKONG PAHIRAPAN MASYADO ANG MGA HEROINE KO. I WRITE TO ESCAPE REALITY. Gusto ko magaang ang buhay nila. Unlike mine. Pressure dahil gusto kong ipakita na kaya ko pang mag-improve.

Dahil sa mga iyon, nakalimutan ko kung bakit ako nagsusulat. I've become someone I am not and I started to hate what I used to love doing. Writing gave me too much stress because of this pressures. So I ended up hating it. Which was so wrong.

Kaya nagsulat ako. I felt free. Hindi ako kinakabahan na baka hindi pumasa sa panlasa ng editor. Hindi ko inisip kung malalim ba ang conflict. Wala rin akong pakialam kung masyadong corny at cliche ang mga eksena at mga linya. And I felt free.

And I was reminded again that I don't write to please people who didn't like my books. I write for myself, and for people who have come to love Luna King and the way she writes her story. Maybe I should stop overthinking things. O ang maliitin ang sarili ko. A little confidence in my self won't hurt, right? Just a little will do.

Kakayanin ko `to. Konti na lang.

-LK

Monday, June 17, 2013

Brain Drain (Uy, rhyme!)

Posted by 23caris at 7:12 PM 0 comments
Natutuyo na ang imagination ko. I've been reading broadsheets since day two of class, because we're assigned to write one news and sports article summary everyday. Since they are my major subjects, I'm determined to give my one hundred percent concentration in school this sem. I may say I don't like Journalism (since I only enrolled in this course because during my time, Creative Writing hasn't been established in our university yet), well, medyo, pero hindi naman ibig sabihin no'n ay ine-neglect ko na lang ang pag-aaral ko. Somehow, I enjoy writing articles, especially if they are features articles. The only part I don't like is researching, which is a no-no since a life of a journalist is composed of researching.

Napansin ko lang na whenever I write a news article, masyado akong nafo-focus sa fact, info, and interviews. Pakiramdam ko, lumiliit ang mundo ko. Unlik kapag nobela ang sinusulat ko, walang limitation. Though kailangan ding maging creative sa news writing para maging catchy ang pagde-deliver mo ng news.

Ahm, actually, gusto ko lang mag-rant na hati na ang oras ko ngayon. Hindi ko na magawang magsulat ng nobela buong gabi dahil kelangan magsulat ng articles. Ayun lang.

:)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Other Than Romance

Posted by 23caris at 6:06 AM 0 comments
Hmm. I've always wanted to write fantasy stories, ung hindi masyadong naka-focus sa romance. More on friendship and characters giving up their normal lives for the rest of humanity. My head is mostly filled with action scenes, heroines wielding huge weapons, heroes producing fire/ice/wind from their palms, priestesses, phoenix, dragons, magical items, dark lords, loyal servants, rivals, princesses, pure bloods, at pahaba na ng pahaba ang listahan. Hindi ko sigurado kung tatanggap ba ang PHR ng ganitong konsepto, at kailangan ko rin munang ihanda ang sarili ko bago ako magsulat ng gano'n kabigat na plot. Sana someday, masulat ko rin ang mga ideyang ito na naglalaro sa isip ko.

Siguro sisimulan ko muna sa paggawa ng short stories mula sa ibang genre. Bukod sa romance, gustung-gusto ko rin ang story tungkol sa friendship. Hehe. Magamit nga uli ang Wattpad account ko.

PHR and romance will always be my first love, though.

^_____^

Monday, June 3, 2013

`Feel Like Giving Up

Posted by 23caris at 6:29 PM 4 comments
Ayoko na. Pakiramdam ko, ako ang pinaka-worst newbie ng PHR. Pakiramdam ko, dinudungisan ko lang ang magandang pangalan ng PHR. Ayoko nang magsulat.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Epilogue

Posted by 23caris at 9:32 AM 0 comments
It was totally unexpected.

At first, I was really pressured about writing the last book (of my mini-series) because it was the LAST. Siyempre, huli na `yon kaya dapat lang na higit siya sa naunang mga libro. I was too afraid to write it, lalo na't parehong komplikado ang character ng hero at heroine. They are both strong, both arrogant and both COLD. Yep, they are bother COLD! How do you expect them to have sweet moments when they are both cynical and sarcastic about love? It took one damned month to finish their story. And though I wasn't satisfied with the outcome, I still sent it to my editor with my eyes closed. I somehow knew it wouldn't be approved right away. I even texted my editor asking her politely to send me a message once the feedback was sent to my e-mail. I knew I had to revise it, because I myself wasn't satisfied with the ending. A week later, the feedback was sent to my email. I wasn't surprised. I knew I had to revise it.

Though expected, I still found it irritating to rewrite the last book. Honestly, I wanted to get it done and over with. I had been working on it for 8 looong months. Whil rewriting, I say rewriting and not revising because I redid the whole story, all I wanted is to get it done because I wanted to write another story. To be honest, I started to get impatient. I didn't have enough sleep for 3 days just to finish the book.

Surprisingly, while I was writing the book's epilogue, my tears started to fall. That was when I fully realized that my mini-series was really over. As in over. I thought I wanted it to end, but my tears said otherwise. * months. I've had multiple personalities in 8 months because I put myself in my characters' shoe for each story. It had been a long journy. It wasn't easy. But it was fun. Then I realized I'm gonna miss them - yes, the characters I created in this mini-series. I love them, so much it made me cry knowing that the moment I write the word "wakas", it would take a while before I get the chance to "visit" them.

It's finally over. I should feel happy. I am, but I feel more sad. I love my babies, and I'm gonna miss them.

-Luna King

Monday, February 11, 2013

Galit Ako!

Posted by 23caris at 5:20 AM 0 comments
"The world doesn't revolve around you" my face. I don't give a damn if you call me selfish but don't make me f*cking wait. There are two things I hated most: being hurt physically and making me wait.

I'm short-tempered and I get rude when I'm annoyed. I glare at everyone, yes, everyone. I don't even try to open my mouth when I'm mad because I know I'll only curse. So f*cking annoying. I hate waiting in line, I hate waiting for feedbacks, I hate waiting for the internet connection to be fixed, I hate everything that has me standing in a corner while waiting for someone for God knows how long.

F*ck. I hate this day.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Damned Moments 3

Posted by 23caris at 6:29 PM 0 comments
I can't calm down. Damn. I know my whole day will be ruined now. Maybe I'll fail in our midterm exam? Or maybe I'll get called in recitation but since I haven't touched my notes since last week, I'll be humiliated. I'm not expecting for anything good now.

It's very irritating, what a great way to start the week.

I never been this infuriated since I don't know how long. Maybe I've been too carefree I forgot that to be cool, things must run smoothly. I'm reflecting now.

AND OH, MAMA. PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME ABOUT MY STUPID MISTAKE. SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT HELPING AT ALL!

Gah! How can I calm down when people won't stop talking about my mistake? Move on, people! I'm trying to keep my sanity contact here! It's not easy. I guess this anger is enough to last me... a whole sem of stressful activities!


ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

-Damned Me 3

Damned Moments 2

Posted by 23caris at 6:17 PM 0 comments
My rage hasn't been cooled down yet. I still feel so mad, so regretful it starting to get painful. I wanted to cry. I needed to remind myself that it was just a small thing. But the fact that it happened again to me is painful. I feel like I'm still the same, stupid girl from two years ago. And I hated myself that time.

I wanted to act cool, to handle things indifferently. I wanted to show the world nothing could affect me anymore. I thought I was stronger, I though I could act nonchalant now. But I care. I still do. I still get so frustrated when things get out of hand. I still feel hurt when I shouldn't care for those people. I said I don't mind, I said they don't matter. But they do, and I feel betrayed, sad and hurt. And I'm talking about two separate issues now.

Maybe I'm overwhelmed that's why I'm feeling this way. They piled up until my patience could no longer keep them together.

I told myself I won't care as much as I cared before. I'm trying my best not to get attached to them (new faces in my new world) because I hate the feeling of depending on people I know who don't and can't care as much as I care for them. And when your feelings don't get reciprocate, when you don't get as much as you give, it's painful. I said it's fine if I love or care more, but deep down my heart, I know it's not true. I expect equal amount of care and love. Argh, I don't know what I'm talking about anymore!

I hate this feeling of vulnerability. I hate myself. I hate everything at the moment.

-Damned Me 2

Damned Moments

Posted by 23caris at 5:46 PM 0 comments
This is probably one of those damned moments when you did something so stupid you want to blame other people but the annoying thing is, you can blame no one but your stupid self. I'm so frustrated I want to scream, to be mad all day. I don't give a damn about anything at the moment. Friends, midterms, classes, the hell with them! I just want to be left one and be eaten by this nagging feeling I know I brought upon myself. I hate this. I really hate regretting something that I should have done, but because I didn't try hard enough, here I am. Dwelling in this fucking feeling of being just... just... plain stupid.

I know I'm going to regret writing this post later. I just hope my mood gets better. Or else... ah, fuck. I want this day to end. I just hope I don't mess up and verge my frustrations towards other people, much more my friends.

-Damn Me
 

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