On Being A Big Disappointment

Looking at my grandma's photo makes me feel awful. When she was still here, she was proud of me even though there was nothing to be proud of. And now that she's gone, I feel ashamed that I haven't done anything to prove to her that I'm worth her love and respect.

And now as I reflect, I haven't done anything to make my family proud. I always act on impulse, and do whatever I want without thinking how the people around me would feel, thinking I'm right all the time. It's both shameful and a gesture of arrogance on my part. I don't think my mommy is happy with the "me" right now, and that what hurts.

*sigh*

I'm sorry to everyone I have disappointed. I will become a better person soon. For you, Mommy.