About Boys and Dating

I had an interesting day. Co-incidentally, I've read two books which are both about boys and dating woes. And that leaves me in confusion and deep thinking.

I always say that I'm more into "nice boys" type, because they are safe and because I know that being the introverted girl I am, good boys are much easier to deal with. BUT I cannot deny the fact that girls are really more attracted to "bad boys" type, whether we accept it or not. I'm one of those girls who complain about boys being all the same, that I want to look for a good guy but in the end, put that "good guy" in "friendzone" and let myself steal glances over a certain bad boy at school who won't even look my way. Yes, I'm such a hypocrite. So, I officially give up on looking for "good boys" and just accept the fact that I am more into "bad boys" simply because they are more good-looking, cooler and they're douchebags. And a bitch like me (I call myself this because I keep on saying I like good boys but when I encountered one recently, I immediately dumped him and put him in friendzone. What else to call me, right?) always end up falling for douchebags.

Is it because "bad boys" are more challenging? Is it about the chase? The honor (and pride) of being The Girl Who Changed Him? I think that's it. Well, isn't it great to be The Only Girl That Jerk cares about? I came up with the conclusion that bad boys are addicting simply because they are fun to be with.

But after reading this certain book about a "reformed player", I got a chance to enter the world of "bad boys" and the kind of treatment girls get from them. Honestly, even though I fell in love with the Bastard Hero, I absolutely hated the way he was with "easy-to-get girls" (the book described girls who play with bad boys as "easy-to-get"). Yes, that's it. Bad boys won't be bad boys if there aren't easy-to-get girls who'd play along with their silly games. But the worse part? These type of girls knew what they're getting yet, they are still willing to be their... I don't know, playmate? Because these "easy-to-get" girls are also just looking for fun. So I guess, that's how bad boys get away with it. They're not at fault because they set the rules, the "easy-to-get" girls accept it, and if they get hurt, they could only blame themselves. Hats off to you, bastard.

The lifestyle. From the books I've read, most bad boys could be found at bars, or any other "fun" places which include a huge crowd and loud music. DEFINITELY NOT THE PLACE FOR ME. You see, I'm a boring girl. I'd rather go to bookstores, eat at fast food chains, and sleep at home. My world is so small and I don't want it any other way. I'm bad at dealing people--- especially those who are in the high-society. And I'm also an insecure twenty year-old girl. Young, introvert, insecure--- way to go, me!

Because of my low self-confidence, I could relate to the heroine of the book. But she's different from me--- she's matured, beautiful, and successful. Yet, she's still full of fears and doubts. I understand her side--- she doesn't want to be The Girl The Bad Boy Cheats On and Leaves. Because bad boys are afraid of commitment and they don't stay loyal and faithful to one woman. The book said: a bad boy make girls cry, he dates two or three girls in a month and they will never know that and even if  they do, he would just say, "so what?"

Am I ready for that kind of relationship? Of course not. I'm not as stubborn and as strong-willed as the heroine. I would probably end up being The Girl Who Got Dumped By The Bad Boy Without Her Even Knowing It. I'm not yet ready for that kind of relationship--- whether with the Bad Boy or the Nice Guy. I'm still a girl who'll probably get eaten by wolves in the forest. I'm not happy with myself, so I would probably blame myself for being "incompetent" when a relationship ends badly.

Well, back to Bad Boys, they have this charm that is hard to resist--- when they fall in love, they fall in love. They fight for it, they change (not for her, but for THEM) and they... they simply love you with all their hearts. It's amazing how these "boys" turn into "men" when they found "the right one." And... *dreamy sigh* I can't find the right words to say but once a Bad Boy falls for You, you may doubt him at first, but soon you'll realize how lucky you are. You have probably saved a nation in your past life.

But... as for me, like I said above, I am not ready for this kind of commitment. If I want to find the right one, I should also work hard to be the "right girl" bad boys don't play with.

Bad Boys... Luxurious life... Professional world... I am not ready for any of them so I will just sit in front of my laptop and start creating characters that are much more realistic and loveable. Because the books I read made me realize that the characters (especially the heroes) in my novels are poorly developed, they are way too childish and they are just "boys." These books also give me a wider perspective on howl love and relationships work in real world and I suddenly realized what I lack in my books. I will work on these flaws.

And I will continue on my "research" about boys. They still confuse me! I don't get them at all!

Cory & Lea

I'm not a fan of Glee, but I like that show. I didn't just have the chance to watch it since I'm busy with school and work. I shouldn't feel attached to the characters since I could count on my fingers the episodes I've watched. But... but my heart was still broken after hearing the news that Cory passed away. I was saddened by the cause of his death, but above that, I am more saddened by the fact that he has left Lea.

You see, that is Cory and Lea's magic. The chemistry Finn and Rachel had on-screen was manifested off-screen. They click. They just had to be together. I am a proof since I'm not a super fan, but I still loved them together. The news was heartbreaking. He was so young, and he had dreams... with Lea. Just thinking about the life they dreamed of together that just won't happen anymore is enough to make me feel depressed.

They were a symbol of true love, and all of a sudden, he was gone. The love everyone envied was shattered right before our eyes. Lea, our poor Lea, must be feeling worst.

Ah, I won't make this longer. I might cry again. All I want to say is... though Cory has left Lea, I knew what they had would be irreplaceable and unforgettable. True love, indeed.

"You're going to be star. Without me."
-Finn Hudson

The line above killed me inside. It's like a premonition of what's gonna happen to Lea.

And the video below made me cry a river. It's perfect for Cory and Lea's love: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67NxeGZKym4 

"Ayoko na ng isang camero role" (Reblogged)

Ayoko na ng isang cameo role

Isang lackluster ending. Ugh.

It escalated quickly.
‘Yan na lang ang masasabi ko with regards sa screenshot ng isang text message na nakikita mo ngayon. Hindi naman kasi dapat umabot sa ganyan eh, pero nandyan na eh. Tapos na. Tinapos na ang isang pagkakaibigang tumagal rin ng halos dalawang taon sa kabila ng kung anu-anong something.
Tama na nga, no sense crying over spilled milk. Bakit ba siya na naman ang ito-topic ko? This time ako naman. Tayo naman.
Tayong mga nakukuntentong um-extra na lang sa love story ng iba. Makaka-relate ka siguro or hindi, wala naman akong pakialam, kasi ako nakaka-relate. Naiintindihan ko. Ang nangyayari kasi, pumapayag tayo (damay damay na!) na maging secondary characters at minsan, kontrabida sa isang love story na ‘di naman tayo welcome.
First indication pa lang na nakikialam ka na sa kanila, tumigil ka na. Walang mabuting maidudulot sa’yo ‘yan. Kaibigan lang? Mukha mo. Tandaan mo, hindi ka immune sa kanya lalo na’t sa checklist mo ng isang ideal na better half ay naka-tatlo or more siyang checkmarks. Or less kahit isang checkmark lang ‘yan, basta may desirable siyang trait for you eh vulnerable ka na sa kanya.
Hindi ka immune sa kanya. Walang isinaksak sa’yong vaccine bago kayo maging “close.” Kaya malaki ang tsansa na, barring all decency and common sense on your part, eh ma-fall ka sa kanya. Jusko naman, you know it’s possible and yet tuloy-tuloy ka pa rin. Hindi pa man kasal ‘yan, hindi pa man sila technically isang “pamilya,” ikaw ay isa nang technically, mang-aagaw. Kumakabit. Nanunulot. Walang justifications, walang reason na pwedeng magsalba sa’yo sa mga tag na ‘yan dahil totoo naman.
Sa tingin mo ba harmless ‘yan para sa’yo at sa kanila? NO. What the fvck are you smoking, dude?
C’mon, kahit hindi mo sinasadya, subconsciously eh gumagawa ka ng paraan para mas mapalapit kayo at magkalayo sila. Ganun lang naman ‘yan eh, parang tug of war. Si special person sa gitna ang nahihila, ang naiipit…ang nasasaktan. Gusto mo ba n’un?
Kapag nagkakaselosan na, kapag nagkakaaway na kayo, kapag nagiging komplikado na…Simple lang ang solusyon dyan: Leave their fvcking love story alone. ‘Wag ka nang umepal.
Antagonist ang labas mo. In short, kontrabida. Isang kontrabidang nangangarap maging bida. Go figure. Never magiging bida ang isang kontrabida lalo na sa mga ways na ginagawa niya, sa mga paraang niu-utilize niya para lang mapalapit dun sa bida at tuluyan nang palitan ‘yung undeserving (sa mga bias na mata mo, natin) na lead actor.
Or worse, ikaw ‘yung supporting character na friends forever sa bida na secretly eh may gusto ka. Mas kahindik-hindik ‘to dahil may tsansa ka sa dulo na maging trusty family friend or ninong ng mga anak ng bida at lead actor. Talk about adding insult to injury. Or rubbing salt to the wound. Ansakit lang ‘di ba? Pero ‘di ka naman mapupunta sa posisyong ‘yan kung ‘di ka nagpumilit magsumiksik sa love story nila eh. Ikaw ang may kasalanan.  ’Di ka naman invited sa set ng pelikula nila, ‘di ka naman kailangan sa isa nang buong cast.
Walang kasalanan si girl na sobrang friendly, nag-entertain at nangunsinte sa’yo or si guy na pabayang BF, sobrang possesive, major douchebag or sadyang walang kwenta lang talaga. Wala silang kasalanan (unfortunately), ikaw ang mali. Maling mali ka at dagdag pa riyan na nag-commit ka ng isang napakalaking kasalanan sa sarili mo.
You just demoted yourself to a secondary role.
‘Wag kang makuntento sa isa lang cameo role sa love story ng iba. Create your own movie. Create your own story. Jusko naman, hindi mo kailangang maki-party-party (er, third party) sa kanila. Kaya mong maging masaya na hindi nakakasakit ng ibang tao. Kaya mong gumawa ng isang storya na ikaw ang bida, na mas creative pa, na mas maganda, na mas masaya pa sa love story nila. Kayang kaya mo ‘yun. Ikaw pa.
You’re too awesome to be confined to a secondary role. You’re too awesome to be the villain. Magsimula ka ng isang  panibagong kwento, panibagong libro at panibagong pelikula kung saan ikaw naman ang bida.
Tayo naman ang bida (HAHAHA!) Sabi nga ni Pope Benedict XV- ”La comedia e finita…” (The comedy is over). Tama, tapusin na ang komedyang ‘to. Teka…comedy?
Ang pogi ko namang komedyante.

Bida material kaya ‘to. Hero na hero ang dating XD

Re-blogged

Credits to: Pseudostoic's Outlet

>>> http://pseudostoic.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/ayoko-na-ng-isang-cameo-role/

"Him"

"Him", who's now happy with "her." I miss "him". If only I could trade one day with "her" to be with "him," I would.

Hey, First Love

I was supposed to be writing the remaining chapters of my novel. But for some reason, I ended up listening to the song There You'll Be (Julie Anne San Jose's version). And I just found myself crying.

Shit. I miss you, you know? For the past six years, you've been in my heart. Always. I don't know why I can't get over you. I mean, hello? We've only been together for a month? And we were an awkward couple then. You weren't able to talk to me normally because you were so concerned about what your friends would think of you. We don't even have beautiful memories like most lovers do. But why do I miss you? Why can't I get over you?

We were best friends. I know you well the way you know me. You didn't like to mingle with our female classmates, but you were always talking to me. You knew how I hated Math, so whenever it was Math class, you'd tell jokes to make me feel good. Remember the times we played thumb wrestling? You don't know how happy I was whenever you touched my hand. And the first time you texted me, shit, you made me so happy! But of all the memories we had together, those I treasured most were the times when you taught me how to make paper airplanes. I never learned. But hey, do you know I've been deceiving you all this time? I wasn't really listening to your instructions. I never planned to learn how to make paper planes. Because I didn't want you to stop teaching me. Because I didn't want to end those moments when you sat beside me and patiently taught me how to make paper planes. I miss those days so bad, so bad I'm crying right now.

Do you remember that Valentine's Day when you gave me a box of doughnut? I still have the box. I didn't have the heart to throw it away. It was that special. You were the reason why I learned to love doughnuts. Shit. I still remember that day, the memory is too vivid. That shy smile you gave me while you were holding out the triangular box, the teasing of our classmates and my shaking hands while reaching for it. I want to go back to that time!

And that heart-shaped pink paper. It was during our class report. The reporters instructed our class that if one answered correctly, he/she has to give the heart-shaped pink paper to the person he/she likes. I answered correctly and my friend gave you that paper. You also answered the question correctly, and despite the class telling you to give your heart-shaped paper to her, you still walked towards me and gave it to me. I still have that heart-shaped paper.

I may have taken you for granted. Back then, you were like a child. Do you remember the time when you told me you envy me because I can talk to other people casually? I forgot to tell you that I envy you, too. Because in my eyes, you're perfect. I also selfishly wished that you stay the same - aloof, quiet and childish. Because I was so afraid that one day, people will see the things I loved about you. And I want to keep you all for myself.

But I've hurt you. I regret it everyday. Then my fear came true. You changed, fast. I know it was a good change. You became confident, you gained more friends but you became so distant. Suddenly, you became so bright I can no longer come near you. You were no longer that little kid who would always talk to me, follow me and play childish games with me. Everyone loves you now.

I miss those days when we were just best friends. If I could turn back time, I would stop myself from falling in love with you. I would choose the friendship we had, instead of the short-lived relationship we had as lovers. I miss you, I really miss talking to you, playing thumb wrestling with you and simply sitting beside you while we make paper airplanes.

I hate seeing you with her. Because I remember the times when I was the person beside you. I hate seeing your smile in those photos with her. Because I know I'm no longer the reason behind it. I hate seeing you with her. Because I only end up wishing I was her. Because I'm still hurting. Because I still want you. Because I still love you.

Damn! You are my only hero! You are my boy version! I know this is stupid but until now, I still believe no one can surpass you in my heart. I made you so special that no one comes close to you. You were my everything then. So when you were gone, I was left with nothing but your memories. Memories I don't want to let go.

Can I still love you?

Hey, do you remember this conversation:

Me: Ano ba ko sa'yo?
You: Ikaw ang nagpapasaya sa'kin sa umaga.
Me: Eh, sa umaga lang?
You: Tapos na ba ko? Ikaw ang nagpapasaya sa'kin sa umaga pag gising ko, sa tanghali bago ako kumain, sa gabi bago ako matulog, hanggang sa paggising ko uli.

I really miss you.

-Chrissa Anne B. Palma